Friday, December 24, 2010

Christmas at home!

 I am SOOO HAPPY TO BE HOME! I've  been non-stop getting ready for Christmas, and I couldn't be more excited to be home with my family to experience it. I will update with lots of pictures from all my excursions this Holiday Season. I am so excited for all of you to see my family! Update coming soon.
Here is my Fill in the blank Friday. I missed last Friday because I was sick, but here it is now! And it's holiday themed.
1. Giving is one of the best things you can do. I love to give to my family and friends! My mom and I are crazy about holidays and birthdays. We go all out!

2. Receiving is always nice. It's wonderful when someone thinks of you and buys you a present. Even if it's a small, it's nice to be thought of. :)

3. The best gift I ever received was ....I know this might sound a little cliche, but as much as I love material things, the best gift I ever received is/was my family. I'm so thankful to have my family, I don't know what I'd do without them.

4. The best gift I ever gave was my love? I'm not really sure. I guess I'd have to survey all the people I've given gifts too. Although I'm sure the blue snuggie I bought my friend might take this one.

5. Something intangible that I wish I could receive is Adventure, and a long life full of deep breaths.

6. Something intangible that I wish I could give is awareness, strength, and compassion.

7. The one gift I always wanted as a child, but never got was One of those little cars you could drive around. ALWAYS wanted one, never got one, so I'm going to get my (future, hypothetical) kid one when they are old enough. 

Thursday, December 16, 2010

First Thankful Thursday/big news!

Good news from the 206 (aka Seattle/UW)

As you all know, if you've read my previous blog entry about my procedure, I still have one more thing to do before I can be listed. AND, if you read that entry, than you also know that it's to get my clot handled and get my SVC stent-ed.
The cardiologist concocted a plan to fix everything. That plan along with cat scan with contrast images, and the footage from the procedure was shipped up to Seattle for review. Today the counsel meeting was held, and her plan was APPROVED! That's right, the mystery is gone, the procedure is pending, and I am soooo elated!!
Here's the plan:
Take my port out, remove clot, stent SVC, put new port in, seal me up, and send  me to recovery. It's so amazingly simple, and I know for sure that it is going to work out. :D
Now, I have a theory and I'm pretty sure I have never shared it in my blog, not even the CCA blogs I wrote. I have had a lot of shitty set backs in my life, I pretty much went from one intense bacteria to another my entire childhood, so unlike a lot of people I've always been sick. I've just never been this sick. With every set back came a new self awareness, and a new experience. It's hard for me to be bitter about it all because I feel everything that happened, happened the right way to bring me to the present. What's meant to be will be, but I think that it's determined by the person, it's what they ultimately want their life to be. We have been given the wonderful gift of being able to learn. We can learn from every experience in our lives and apply it to our future. The way that's most apparent for me is I am NOW physically ready for a lung transplant, as well as mentally and spiritually. 10 years ago when my doctors tried to talk me into it I had absolutely no interest. Not only that but knowing what I know about transplant, I can say that I would have not been able to handle it well. I would have been scared, and you don't want to do something like that being fearful. It's happening now because I'm ready for it, because when it was brought up to me again in February my life took a new direction. It changed from being mysterious and uncertain, to being hopeful and prosperous. I've always had certainty that my future would be a healthy one, and although life after transplant isn't exactly picture perfect health, I'll be able to live more than I have my entire life of being sick.
The crappy things that happened in my life have made me grateful for what I have, and what I get. They gave me the ability to see something for what it is and respect it/accept it, but know if it is or isn't right for me. I can also VERY clearly see where my life is going, I'm not hopeful anymore, I'm anxious. I just want to get to the finish line so I can take a break! Most of all though, I am self aware, I AM me. That being said, I'm completely positive that the whole transplant itself will take me to places I've never been before. All I can say is...I CANNOT WAIT!!!!

After I found out about the new development I had the realization that this transplant is happening for me. It's REALLY gonna happen, the bright shiny future I picture in my's gonna be real. Nearing the end of that thought process I just started to cry, alone in my hospital room, sitting on my bed, just bawling my eyes out.
This is a picture of me on top of the Space needle on my last visit to UW. I'm looking happy and excited, because I was totally jazzed about my last visit to Seattle before being listed.

So this Thursday....I'm thankful for the amazing team up in Seattle, the amazing team down here, my amazing care team (all of you, not just mom and Morgan), for my strength which is always surprising me, and ultimately I'm thankful for the gift to be able to live another day every day.
This life is just too amazing to miss out on. I can't wait to see what's next.

To life, to love, to experiences (good and bad), and to the never dying spirit in us all.

Love, love, and more love

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Cupcake Craving!

Still in the hospital. In the last 5 days (since I've been here) there have been 4 babies moved in and out of the room next door to mine. Usually I find babies to be quite cute and cuddly, but for the last 5 days I have heard nothing but screaming and crying. One could easily say that this directly contributes to my lack of sleep. On the subject of sleep.....
I had the BEST set of staff today. My nurse let me sleep all morning and into the afternoon, respiratory let me sleep, and my doctors who usually wake me up let me sleep. I could not be happier! I got to sleep in till 2 pm. Just as a reference point I haven't been able to fall asleep until around 4 am EVERY night. I am so exhausted as it is, but no sleep was driving me nuts. Here I am again, late at night with babies crying from every corner of the unit. I sound like a baby hater, but I assure you I am not. I'm just resentful because I'm exhausted.

Tonight I am craving cupcakes. Not just any cupcakes either, I'm craving the delicious works of Le Cookie Monkey that they provided for us at our wedding. AND I'm so craving them that I went back to our wedding photos to look at them. Thought you should have the opportunity as well!

I would LOOOVE to be back in time on my wedding day. I would spend more time eating that delicious cake. I only got one cupcake, and that single bite of red velvet from our cake cutting. Unbelievable! They were a huge hit though, my family really enjoyed them. :) Really that's all that matters on your wedding day; Your guests enjoying the day with you! 

Monday, December 13, 2010

To all of my blog readers!

Here is our Christmas card! Unveiling and spreading the love. This is for all of you who read my blog too. I don't know how many of you there are, but hopefully you find this and enjoy it. :)

It's another late night in the hospital. I'm plagued with insomnia....

About to turn on Holiday Inn (one of my fave Christmas movies)
Here's to hoping I fall asleep and don't get woken up by a million people. This morning I woke up to a resident pressing on my belly after a full night of feeds. Ouch!

Good night blogger world!

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Hospital Update

Another couple days in the hospital...
Fevers have come and gone.
My pleuritic pain has significantly diminished. When I came in pain meds would barely touch it, now I barely have to take pain meds. YES!
I did lose my voice which seems to be the only lasting grossness of my sickness. 
I'm already feeling better and, I'm getting tons of icky junk up and out of my lungs.
Other than my lack of sleep I'm feeling pretty good.

Hopefully out on Thursday!

I just finished making our Christmas cards that I'll be emailing to people, because I'm in the hospital and can't mail them out. They are so fun! This is the second year Morgan and I have done Christmas cards, but this year we have our dogs. :) I just got Mo a new puppy. His name is Panda! He's the sweetest. We are so in love with him. Of course Fancy will always be number one, she's my little princess.

Anyways, I'm having some Christmas stress because I'm stuck in here. I haven't been able to buy anyone a Christmas present and, if I don't get out before next weekend I'm hoping everyone will like their Christmas cards. Haha!

I'm going to attempt sleeping in this noisy place that isn't my home.

Sweet Dreams!

Friday, December 10, 2010

The last several weeks I have been extremely busy, or extremely sick. Unfortunately both of those circumstances caught up with me and I am once again in the hospital. I got in right before a cold started brewing...(Thank jeez!) Luckily, because I was just in a month ago I will only be here a short time. I'm thinking 7-10 days. :) Right in time for Christmas! I'm all settled into my room and, am currently being kept awake by one very unhappy wailing baby. Thought I'd try something new; here's my first "fill in the blank friday"

1. I am hoping my Christmas this year includes, lots of yummy warm drinks and, tasty treats. A fantastic amount of time snuggling with my husband and, quality with my family. I also wouldn't mind getting a pair of Solo Beats and, a memory foam mattress topper.;)

2. My biggest guilty pleasure is Teenage dramas and nerdy video games. My husband hates both....hehe! His guilty pleasures include goofy shows like Jim Hensons The Storyteller

3. I am most proud of my decision to get a lung transplant and everything I've done to get listed. This has been a great year for me, all my greatest accomplishments happened this year. The second thing I'm most proud of is marrying my husband. I am EXTREMELY lucky to have him in my life.

4. If I could choose one outfit to live in it would be My black sweatpants, the softest fitted tee over a cami, with my Muck Duck sweatshirt and, some toasty fleece socks with my slipper boots from Urban.

5. People are always surprising me in good and bad ways. In my life I have met a lot of wonderful people and I am thankful for every single one of them. They bring so much light to my life. I'm even thankful for the people who aren't so wonderful, they taught me the valuable lesson that not everyone can be trusted, and not very many people love with an open heart and open mind.

6. I would rather be sleeping next to my husband than by myself in my hospital room.
7. I love my mom and husband more than anyone/anything else in this world.

There you have it...I'm definitely ready for bed now and, the baby has stopped crying. 

Love, love and, even more love